Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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