This house was built for laser tag.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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