My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
50% drunk capacity currently
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
