So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
