She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
