how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
