your thong is hanging out like whoa
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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