when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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