wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
