Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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