I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
