they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
