so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
