I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Can I color on your dick again?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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