He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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