Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
