I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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