I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
