I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
