how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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