I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
