tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
