I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
