youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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