worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
