its not stalking. its research.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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