I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
