Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
