I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
