Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
