He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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