You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
