i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
