there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
