I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
