This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
