i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
MIDGETS
????
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
