i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the day after is always just damage control
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
