Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
