well most of my day revolves around power hour
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
