Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
