I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
