Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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