Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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