I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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