I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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