my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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