Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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