Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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