dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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