His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i out mim tonsoeep
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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