I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
