She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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