Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
