so explain again why im purple
no
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
